Ölü Terörist Ahmet'in dünya'ya söylevi..

Sussunnn! Öldürrümmmm Sizii!!!!!

[Jeff Dunham]

Good evening Achmed !

[Achmed]

Good evening… Infidel…

[Jeff Dunham]

So you’re a terrorist ?

[Achmed]

Yes. I’m a terrorist.

[Jeff Dunham]

What kind of terrorist ?

[Achmed]

A terrifying… terrorist. Are you scared ?

[Jeff Dunham] 

Not really, no.

[Achmed]

AHHHH. And now ?

[Jeff Dunham]

Not really, no…

[Achmed]

AHH AHHHHHHH. How about now ?

[Jeff Dunham]

No.

[Achmed]

God damn it ! Oh… I… I mean “Allah damn it”… Silence ! I kill you !

[Jeff Dunham]

So “Akmed”…

[Achmed]

No no it’s “Achmed”.

[Jeff Dunham]

That’s what I said.

[Achmed]

No you said “Akmed”, it’s “Achmed” rrrr rrrr… Silence ! I kill you !

[Achmed]

How do you spell it ?

[Achmed]

What ?

[Jeff Dunham]

How do you, how do you spell your name ?

[Achmed]

Well let’s see… A, C, flemer… Silence ! I kill you.

[Jeff Dunham]

So Achmed if you’re a terrorist I would suppose you have some sort of specialty ?

[Achmed]

Yes, I’m a suicide-bomber.

[Jeff Dunham]

Ah ! So you’re finished ?

[Achmed]

What ?

[Jeff Dunham]

You’ve done your job.

[Achmed]

No I haven’t.

[Jeff Dunham]

But you’re dead.

[Achmed]

No I’m not. I feel fine.

[Jeff Dunham]

But you’re all bone.

[Achmed]

It’s a flesh wound… Silence! I kill you! What the hell happened to my feet ? Son of a b**** ! What the hell ?!… Stop touching meee ! I kill you !

[Jeff Dunham]

Just hold on I’ll fix it.

[Achmed]

Ok. Wait wait, what are you doing ? Holy crap I’m in the air ! Wait wait ! Wait something’s backward… I need some ligaments !

[Jeff Dunham]

Just sit still.

[Achmed] 

Ok, I would not move my ass.

[Walter]

You idiot you don’t have an ass !

[Achmed]

Is that Walter ? He scares the crap out of me ! Please do not put me back in the same suitcase !

[Jeff Dunham]

Why

[Achmed]

He has gases. Saddam’s mustard gas was nothing compared to a Walter’s fart !

[Walter]

(laughs)

[Achmed]

It’s not funny ! He will kill us !

[Jeff Dunham]

Listen Achmed, I have something to tell you.

[Achmed]

What?

[Jeff Dunham]

You really are dead.

[Achmed]

Are you sure ?

[Jeff Dunham]

Yes.

[Achmed]

I’ve just got my flu shot…

[Jeff Dunham]

You really are dead!

[Achmed]

Wait, if I am dead, that means I’ll get my seventy-two virgins… Are you my virgins ?! I hope not.

[Jeff Dunham]

Why ?

[Achmed]

There’s a bunch of ugly ass guys up there ! If this is paradise, I’ve been screwed !!

[Jeff Dunham]

Why, did they say it would be only female virgins ?

[Achmed]

Holy crap !!! Wait, I can have Clay Aiken ! (laughs) I told a joke !

[Jeff Dunham]

So listen Achmed, where do you come from ?

[Achmed]

Your f*ckin’ suitcase ? (laughs) I told another one !

[Jeff Dunham]

Look, if you’ve been in my suitcase all this time, how do you got through the security at the airport ?

[Achmed]

It’s easy, he opened the case and I go “Helloooooo ! I am Lindsey Lohan”. (Laughs) I, I told another joke. I can do this crap too. Ok there’s another one : “Two jews, walking in a bar…”

[Jeff Dunham]

No ! No !

[Achmed]

What ?

[Jeff Dunham]

No !

[Achmed]

What ? You don’t let Jews in your bars ? You racist b*st*rd !

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